In terms of friend breakups, I wouldn't say there was one defining moment of a breakup, but there were two occasions that helped push me forward to find better people. They happened when I lived in Chicago, in a house with several roommates. I was in a band, and there was a recording studio/practice space in the attic. My friends were my band and the people that we performed alongside.

One weekend, we had planned to rehearse in the late morning. I awoke to a text in the early morning from our guitarist, [REDACTED], telling me he was sleeping outside in my backyard. Jay was so drunk, he thought it'd be easier to pass out on my porch rather than go home and not wake up, and subsequently be late. I woke up to a text telling me he was outside at 5 in the morning. I went downstairs and opened the door to see him in the grass, sleeping. I woke him up, brought him upstairs, and let him sleep in my roommate's bed (later that day, she would ask why there was grass in her sheets). That was the first moment that I started to wonder if I was hanging around the right kind of people.

A few weeks later, again, I was asleep, and two roommates, who I considered very close friends, came stumbling home. Drunkenly they sat and argued in the living room. It was so loud I couldn't get back to sleep, so I opened my door and asked them to keep it down. I laid back down, closed my eyes, and then heard an extremely loud explosion. I jumped out of bed and opened my door to see dust and powder had filled the living room, the two sitting there in a strange silence. They had lit an M80 firework inside. I was livid.

Those two occasions made me realize these were not the kind of people I wanted to be around. They didn't inspire me and they didn't encourage me to be better. In fact, they did the exact opposite. This was a summer I decided I needed to reset, move, and re-evaluate my friendships. I left Chicago and moved to New York without knowing anyone. I wanted to find people that could hold themselves accountable. I wanted to meet people that were as motivated as me to create great work. But also people who appreciate how wonderful the world can be to us. I didn't want to just drink at a bar every night. I wanted to go to operas and weird parties. I wanted to experience culture and be introduced to new types of people to further expand my view of the world. I didn't want to live in that little drunken bubble.

I've been in New York for almost ten years.

My birthday is coming up and I emailed my friends to tell them I bought a ticket to the opera and if they would like to come, they could also buy a ticket. If I had been back with my Chicago friends, they probably would have laughed at me. A matinee? Every single friend I emailed has bought a ticket. It made me feel like my heart was going to explode. I feel so honored to have friends that want the same things I want. It makes me want to do things to give them the kind of happiness they give to me. And to me, that's what friendship is about. Feeling safe to be yourself, while also committing yourself to helping your friend find themselves as well.