KARIS REITER - Lilly Friend Project

Preliminary Questions

1. Where do you live?

Upper West Side, Manhattan NYC

2. Are you crazy?

Yes No

3. Do you want more friends?

internet friends in-person friends both

Open Questions

1. Why are you filling out this questionnaire?

I am interested in the Lilly Friend Project as a concept to understand human disconnection.

2. How many "close friends" (by close friends I mean people that you see more than twice a month if they live in the tri-state area or if they are a long-distance friend that you speak with at least twice a month) do you have?

I have 1 best friend that I see multiple times a week. We have been friends since we were 5 years old. She moved to NYC 6 months ago from SF, and now we go to the gym together around ~3 times a week. I have 5 close friends that I see around twice a month. I have 6 long-distance friends with whom I speak regularly. I am a huge caller (not texter). I have a friend call list in my phone that I rotate through on my daily commutes and tasks. If I am cleaning my apartment, doing dishes, going to the store, or walking somewhere in my neighborhood, the first thing I do is give someone I ring as I go about the task.

3. It's Saturday morning! What time are you up and what do you want to do with the day?

I wake up around 7:30 am, drink coffee, pray, pull a tarot card, journal, make a protein smoothy, and get ready. I walk 30 minutes to take a 1-hour yoga sculpt class, which starts at 9 am. I then pop over to Equinox at 10:30 am to take an Iyengar yoga class until 11:45 am to cool down and stretch. I steam, shower, and get ready for the day. This is the time of the week I do a full shower routine, meaning I wash my hair, shave, exfoliate, gua sha, so I try to take a lot of time here without having to rush around. I probably finish around 1 pm. I walk 3o mins home and enjoy the neighborhood to see what is happening. Sometimes I stop at the farmers market, depending on whethering on if I'm not too physically tired to shlep groceries. I make lunch at home or grab lunch... after exercising for 2.5 hours, it is hard for me to make it home without stopping for a bite. In the afternoon, I will relax at home, make jewelry, read, talk to my boyfriend, or make plans for the evening with a friend or my boyfriend.

4. Do you like to go to any kind of cultural experiences? What kind and how often?

I love the arts and try to keep a regular rhythm with them. I go to the Ballet or Opera about once a quarter, since Lincoln Center is only a 25-minute walk from me. I also make a point of visiting art museums at least once a quarter to catch the new exhibits. The Met is about a 30-minute walk away, and in the summer, my friends and I have a ritual of going to their rooftop happy hours. Two of my close friends, one of my best friends from middle school and his wife, live just a couple of blocks from me on the Upper West Side, so we often do Friday happy hours together. Another friend, who’s the Marketing Director at the Public Theater (I know her because she is the college bff of my middle school friend previously mentioned), gets me tickets to a few shows each year, which is such a treat. And one of my other close friends runs an art collective, so I always go to their events when they happen.. All and all to try to make the most out of NYC.

5. How do you feel about Amy Winehouse?

LOVE HER- MISS HER

6. "Uh oh! I'm experiencing a negative emotion"; what happens inside you? How do you deal with it?

I try to understand where it is coming from and why I feel that way. I will start to parent myself/self-soothe and say that it is ok, etc. Try to understand what I need to process it. If I really start to ruminate, then I pray. 95% of the time, I'm good by this step. The other 5% of the time, if I am really pissed or sad or angry, I call my boyfriend or Mom or Dad LOL. Depends on the circumstances. Boyfriend for solidarity, Mom for guidance, Dad for practical action-based next steps. IF I'M REALLY, REALLY PISSED, I MAY NEED A MARTINI.

7. How do you feel about school and teachers?

Love them- miss them. I still talk to my 4th grade teacher; she has an alpaca farm upstate. I love learning :) I try to use work as school lol. I also teach yoga and regularly practice, so I read a lot of yoga, philosophy, and psych books for my own continuing education. I am still close to my childhood girl gang from elementary, middle, and high school; we have an active group chat that I can't keep up with.

8. What is the most meaningful way to spend time?

Although it does take up too much of my day and I wish I spent even more time doing it, I think the most meaningful time I spend is trying to connect to God through prayer, meditation, and silence. It calms my mind and helps me be more present with my work, friends, family, and daily activities.

9. What is your favorite law (if you do not have a favorite, what is one that you think of positively)?

NO TEXTING AND DRIVING

10. What app on your phone (other than essentials) is your most used app?

Instagram Vision Quest Tarot

11. What are you hoping to get from filling this out?

To get to know Lilly better :)

Multiple-Choice Questions

1. If you had to choose one word to describe yourself, which one would you choose:

Scary Sporty Baby Ginger Posh

2. The worst month is:

January March July November I don't think about this way

3. Do you live to eat or eat to live?

Eat to live Live to eat I'm really not sure It's complicated.... 🙁 I'm uncomfortable by this question and prefer not to answer

4. How do you feel about August: Osage County:

Love that movie! Hate that play! I thought it was a moving and interesting depiction of the American family Merryl Streep was great(doi!) and I am indifferent/feel somewhat positive about it Don't know what that is

5. How often do you speak about your love life with your friends?

A lot Not that often Once every other time I feel it out and need to make sure I don't talk about it too much Everytime I see my best friends

6. Your biggest fear about getting older is:

Becoming irrelevant Running out of time My body falling apart Becoming boring I'm not afraid of getting older

7. Dogs wearing clothes are:

Adorable and necessary for their comfort Humiliating for the dog Fine for practical reasons only (rain, cold) A symptom of social rot Depends entirely on the dog's attitude about it

8. People who don't tip well:

Probably just don't understand how service industry works Are fundamentally bad people Might be going through something financially Should be banned from restaurants I don't judge people's tipping habits

9. Distance in relationships:

Is always a sign something is wrong Can actually strengthen the bond between people Should be avoided at all costs Is necessary for maintaining mystery Means someone isn't trying hard enough

10. The best way to end a text conversation is:

Just stop responding when it feels natural Say 'okay talk soon!' or similar Send a thumbs up emoji You don't end them, they just fade There is no good way

11. The phrase "it is what it is" is:

Zen wisdom Giving up disguised as acceptance Sometimes true, sometimes lazy The most annoying phrase in English Perfect for ending awkward conversations

12. When someone consistently disappoints you, you:

Keep giving them chances because that's what loyalty means Gradually distance yourself while remaining cordial Have a direct conversation about expectations Cut them off immediately - life's too short Use it as an opportunity to examine your own expectations

13. How do you feel about answering all these questions:

Annoyed - this was way too long Intrigued - I enjoyed thinking about these things Resentful - some of these felt invasive Excited to discuss my answers with someone Neutral - just another survey

14. If we met in person, what would you want to talk about first:

Something completely unrelated to this questionnaire Why you asked such weird questions The answers we disagreed on most Whatever comes up naturally in conversation I'd rather just see what happens

Essay Question

Please describe a friend breakup you have gone through. If you haven't gone through a friend breakup, please explain why you think you have never gone through a friend breakup. Outline a major friendship in your life and explain why it is successful.

Senior year of college, on New Year's, my friend said she had made plans for us to go to a party with her Philly friends.

She got in the car with a drunk driver and refused to get out of the car. So that she was not left alone, I got in the car and was taken to a Philly project basement where a bunch of 40-year-olds (90s ravers, not to be ageist) took molly and listened to dubstep. I told her I felt unsafe and uncomfortable. She then proceeded to discuss my privilege and that I needed to learn how to relate to others who were different than me. After that night, I told her that she didn't respect my feelings and that she was compromising our safety, and we never spoke again.