Matt - Lilly Friend Project

Preliminary Questions

1. Where do you live?

Queens, NY

2. Are you crazy?

Yes No

3. Do you want more friends?

internet friends in-person friends both

Open Questions

1. Why are you filling out this questionnaire?

I saw the flier taped to a lamppost in my neighborhood and thought the idea was cool.

2. How many "close friends" (by close friends I mean people that you see more than twice a month if they live in the tri-state area or if they are a long-distance friend that you speak with at least twice a month) do you have?

I have a lot of people I consider close friends. I see about 6-12 friends regularly. Ironically the people I consider my closest friends I have now known the longest, but see the least. We still text and sometimes call though. A lot of them grew up and started families and/or moved away and I stayed an irresponsible kid.

3. It's Saturday morning! What time are you up and what do you want to do with the day?

Heh, Saturday morning eh? Good chance I'm sleeping until past noon. There's a chance I have some errands to run, some leisure activities I planned on, or I'm taking it easy because I might have a gig or event during the evening.

4. Do you like to go to any kind of cultural experiences? What kind and how often?

I'm a big live entertainment person, I go to a few performances of some kind throughout the month, be that a band, burlesque, a play, a pro wrestling show... I do like the occasional visit to art galleries and museums.

5. How do you feel about Amy Winehouse?

Ya know, I never really went out of my way to listen. I have nothing against her, I think the smattering of songs I have heard over the years I enjoyed. It ended up on the 'pile' of "I'll get to that eventually."

6. "Uh oh! I'm experiencing a negative emotion"; what happens inside you? How do you deal with it?

I tend to shut down when this happens, I will get very quiet and anti-social if I'm in mixed company. If I can isolate I usually do that and try to sleep it off. It's like a malfunctioning computer one turns off and back on again to get working properly.

7. How do you feel about school and teachers?

Hate school (grade to high school), really enjoyed college, love teachers - at least ones that are my generational peers. I have a lot of friends that went into teaching. However, I hated school growing up, so much that I barely went. I think the system is heavily flawed and un-engaging. That the rhetoric of so many kids was that school sucked, yet, nothing is addressed or done about it is telling. Cut to the meme of Principal Skinner, "No, it's the children who are wrong!"

8. What is the most meaningful way to spend time?

Doing what you love, that may look different from person to person. For me it's experiences and getting to be creative, but also knowing when I've reached my limit and need rest. Some people it might be napping and reading, some might travel constantly. Some people have, what seems like, an endless supply of energy and can just go go go.

9. What is your favorite law (if you do not have a favorite, what is one that you think of positively)?

The first amendment is a pretty darn good one. I'm uncertain if that is within the category of "law," though, in this context?

10. What app on your phone (other than essentials) is your most used app?

Looks like Tiktok is the current reigning and defending champion.

11. What are you hoping to get from filling this out?

I'm a big proponent of 'regret what you do, not what you don't do.' I saw the flier and thought I'd take a chance. Seemed more likely the outcome would be positive than negative, so why not? Who knows what Don Quixote can accomplish?

Multiple-Choice Questions

1. If you had to choose one word to describe yourself, which one would you choose:

Scary Sporty Baby Ginger Posh

2. The worst month is:

January March July November I don't think about this way

3. Do you live to eat or eat to live?

Eat to live Live to eat I'm really not sure It's complicated.... 🙁 I'm uncomfortable by this question and prefer not to answer

4. How do you feel about August: Osage County:

Love that movie! Hate that play! I thought it was a moving and interesting depiction of the American family Merryl Streep was great(doi!) and I am indifferent/feel somewhat positive about it Don't know what that is

5. How often do you speak about your love life with your friends?

A lot Not that often Once every other time I feel it out and need to make sure I don't talk about it too much Everytime I see my best friends

6. Your biggest fear about getting older is:

Becoming irrelevant Running out of time My body falling apart Becoming boring I'm not afraid of getting older

7. Dogs wearing clothes are:

Adorable and necessary for their comfort Humiliating for the dog Fine for practical reasons only (rain, cold) A symptom of social rot Depends entirely on the dog's attitude about it

8. People who don't tip well:

Probably just don't understand how service industry works Are fundamentally bad people Might be going through something financially Should be banned from restaurants I don't judge people's tipping habits

9. Distance in relationships:

Is always a sign something is wrong Can actually strengthen the bond between people Should be avoided at all costs Is necessary for maintaining mystery Means someone isn't trying hard enough

10. The best way to end a text conversation is:

Just stop responding when it feels natural Say 'okay talk soon!' or similar Send a thumbs up emoji You don't end them, they just fade There is no good way

11. The phrase "it is what it is" is:

Zen wisdom Giving up disguised as acceptance Sometimes true, sometimes lazy The most annoying phrase in English Perfect for ending awkward conversations

12. When someone consistently disappoints you, you:

Keep giving them chances because that's what loyalty means Gradually distance yourself while remaining cordial Have a direct conversation about expectations Cut them off immediately - life's too short Use it as an opportunity to examine your own expectations

13. How do you feel about answering all these questions:

Annoyed - this was way too long Intrigued - I enjoyed thinking about these things Resentful - some of these felt invasive Excited to discuss my answers with someone Neutral - just another survey

14. If we met in person, what would you want to talk about first:

Something completely unrelated to this questionnaire Why you asked such weird questions The answers we disagreed on most Whatever comes up naturally in conversation I'd rather just see what happens

Essay Question

Please describe a friend breakup you have gone through. If you haven't gone through a friend breakup, please explain why you think you have never gone through a friend breakup. Outline a major friendship in your life and explain why it is successful.

I had a friend, she quickly became a friend with benefits. Within the first year, the benefits portion faded and we just ended up being really close friends. We had relationships with each-others' parents, they had even met. We were friends for years, and about 5 years later, she met a guy and things got hot and heavy quick. They ended up engaged and at some point she divulged to him that we had been friends with benefits early on. He insisted she cut me off. They fought about it, he logged into her social media and unfriended me on her behalf. That caused even more fighting between them. All of this was going on unbeknownst to me. I did notice we spoke and saw each other less, which I chalked up to life kinda just being busy. I would soon find out the wedding invites had been sent out and I did not receive one. Eventually we had a catch-up dinner and she neglected to mention any of the trouble in paradise and told me they were keeping the wedding very small and that's why I was not invited. Finally, after a little while, she sent me an email telling me of all the woe *I* had caused in their relationship and that she needed to cut me out because of the toxicity *I* was causing. She went on to point out that our friendship had kind of faded anyway (which was a self-fulfilling prophecy). She wished me the best and that email ended our friendship. I never replied, what would I even say?

She did email me when my father died just to offer condolences several years later, which I suppose was about as much of an olive branch as I am going to get.