Preliminary Questions
Do you live within a thirty-minute radius/are you comfortable commuting to Murray Hill or elsewhere in Manhattan to hang out with me?
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Are you crazy?
Can you supply a personal website or social media profile?
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Once I review your application, I will reach out to have a more formal, sit-down interview to be my friend in Manhattan. This interview will be videotaped and I will be posting the footage on social media. Are you able to report to Manhattan and spend at least an hour for the interview?
Open Questions
Why are you filling out this questionnaire?
I don't know man
How many "close friends" (by close friends I mean people that you see more than twice a month if they live in the tri-state area or if they are a long-distance friend that you speak with at least twice a month) do you have?
Tons, but they all live an hour away if not more.
Do you listen to Billie Eilish? If so, why?
No
It's Saturday morning! What time are you up and what do you want to do with the day?
Six or seven, but I lay in bed for a long time
Have you ever had an existential crisis? How did it come about and what was your ultimate takeaway from it?
Can't say I have
You are at a party and a topic comes up that you could go on and on and on about that nobody else knows anything about. What is the topic and would you talk about it or not talk about it?
How Girl Scouts of America has actually often work to disadvantage girls buy treating them is incompetent, object, and property of their parents, in a way that from its flaws boy Scouts of America never has.
What do you think about feminism? How did you come to that conclusion?
Picture me at age 12: short hair, boys hand-me-downs. IPlay middle school sports, but it's football, wrestling, and basketball. The other kids are merciless. I notice boys around me behaving in the exact same way and wearing some of the clothes without social consequences. If anything, they are rewarded. So yeah, I'm a feminist.
If there was an alternate reality in which you had a debilitating, life-altering addiction, what would you be addicted to?
Statistically, alcohol
What are your dreams?
Don't usually remember
Do you believe in ethical consumerism or is it a drop in a giant well that has already been dug by multinational corporations so it doesn't matter?
It's hardly the point, you know. You can debate this all day without getting a clear answer. It's like does voting matter? A distracting discussion, honestly. We know who needs to be held accountable, and it's not really the losers buying the Harry Potter video game.
Multiple-Choice Questions
What qualities are most important to you in a friend
What is the worst thing on this list
Work is:
Which poet's writing do you most connect with?
Do you feel like you've lived one life or lots of lives?
How do you feel about answering all these questions:
Aristotle once said; "my friends, there are no friends." How do you feel about that:
Essay Question
Please describe a friend breakup you have gone through. If you haven't gone through a friend breakup, please explain why you think you have never gone through a friend breakup. Outline a major friendship in your life and explain why it is successful.
Lol I'm not doing that.