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I have no friends in New York City and when I’m not one to attempt to make them. I prefer when people gravitate to me, yet lately I haven’t been liking those people so much or the company gets a bit extreme. I’d prefer friends in the city, especially some with even a modicum of my interests. Hopefully, that could be you. I saw a flyer for this website the same day I stopped being friends with someone, seemed fortuitous.

Two.

I don’t listen to Billie Eilish, however I can acknowledge that some of her songs are good. I’ve only ever heard her songs in passing and haven’t gone out of my way to listen to anything new or less popular of hers. I can list the songs I like on one hand: “you should see me in a crown”, “Therefore I Am”, “idontwannabeyouanymore”, “Bury a Friend”, and that’s it, so I suppose I only have four fingers on one of my hands.

I like consistency in my sleep schedule, though depending on how I handled my Friday this will change. I’d try to wake up at 10:30 am as usual and perhaps fail and wake up by my second alarm at 11:00 am. I would either work on artwork or go to the movies, if the day is hot enough and my bike is in working order I’d bike to the destination and potentially run errands or get somewhere nice like Roosevelt Island so as to relax in the calm of the area. My Saturdays are very dependent on what I need to do and the weather, there’s also the option that I simply stay home and watch movies or a tv show. Similarly dependent on the weather, I could eat out or cook, take a long walk or swiftly hop back on the train. My life is thoroughly unstructured.

I’ve had numerous, one could say I’m persisting through the very same one at all times and there are merely more significant bumps in the road at times. I’m not old enough for my life to matter so much as to be concerned existentially and yet I find myself tabulating all of its events in terms of feeble worthlessness or petty ambivalence. I’ve had a sequence of events that may be a little personal that resulted in a fairly thorough suicide plan that was so nearly enacted upon. My takeaway I suppose was that I’m scared of guns.

Obviously, I’d talk about it. If it comes up, I tend to dive right in and yet I won’t implore anyone listen. I talk to the audience dwindles to isolation, only then will I stop. However, there are plenty of times someone introduces a differing opinion on said topic without the correct knowledge of it and I’ll remain quiet. I’m very conflict avoidant in that way, plus it certainly couldn’t matter less in the long run. That topic could range from anything I’m thinking of in the moment such as how Pinocchio should’ve surely become a wooden donkey lest the scene insinuate that other people have magics that could render wood into flesh, all the way to commercial properties such as Transformers or DC comics.

My recent ex and another friend of mine liked to draw severe binary lines regarding the genders and illustrate how men do men things and women do women things. I’ve always found that to be very distasteful and I’ve never liked having place in those conversations. I’m a man and yet for most of my life I’ve been a mother’s boy and a lot of my friends were women. It’s hard to say where I fall in terms of feminism, I’ve studied it and some of its many tenets and philosophers and yet I can’t make any correct assertions of it. I do believe in equity and assert that cultural theory and pragmatism are the best manners in addressing feminism, yet I believe that for race and sexuality, too. I’ve written a whole essay about this, yet I still don’t know exactly how I fall. As much as I believe in equity, I don’t know if I believe so much in affirmative action in practice. As much as I believe in equality, I don’t know if I believe that singular legal systems and cultural actions could encompass every aspect of femininity or any other aspect of a multifaceted person in that right. It’s tough, but I’d never disparage women for much of anything regarding their gender. My aforementioned ex would and my aforementioned friend would do the same for men, and yet I think the faculties we attribute to sex and gender exist in everyone regardless of sex and gender. I’m whatever kind of feminist that that idea entails, forgive me for the ineloquence in the response.

It is this reality and it is toys, I’m a severe toy collector and I’m a complete fiscal gambler in that regard. However, I’m getting better and significantly more responsible. I’ve come to terms psychologically for why I started collecting and what it really means to me and it’s become a much healthier habit. Perhaps in another universe, I imagine I could be addicted to sex? I’m very straight-edge in all other regards, I’m not one to drink or indulge in other forms of drugs, yet I’ll ingest an edible should I really want to go to sleep for a while. It’s not really in my personality. However, I’ve had a very strange relationship with sex for a lot of my life that might be a lot of information to spill here, so you may just have to take my word for it. I’ll clue you in on this, though: in the case that asexuality is a spectrum where 100 percent is completely sexual repulsed then I’m at 51 percent and that 49 percent solely involves feeling very useful and being apart of something. That confluence that I’m apart of in that instance? I could definitely become addicted to it.

You’re really asking the wrong person on that one, you could hardly find a more ambition-less person if you tried.

I don’t like when people utilize the “no ethical consumption” argument as a way of escaping purchasing something outlandish and unnecessary. That statement originally debuted to indicate that everyone needs things. We all need food, from the poorest to the richest, yet the poor man and rich man both put money in the pocket of terrible food manufacturing industries. It’s inevitable, such is the system. It does not mean that buying a Tesla is a proper, informed choice that addresses the complexity of capitalism’s workings on our society. I’m not a preachy advocate about this—I’m not even vegetarian—yet I do believe accounting for those informed decisions is important and, in that, I have to at least respect the ideal of “ethical consumerism”.

Easy, as I said I had just gone through what you refer to as a “friend breakup”. I met a person that I was thoroughly similar to, it was honestly quite amazing. I set forth to learn something about myself by literally reflecting, you could say I began to use her instrumentally to grow in self-understanding. We’d write each other all night and eventually I’d be writing huge swaths of text about us, when we were together it was quite amazing the way we’d talk so easily. We’d always joke that it was like speaking to ourselves in a library. Unfortunately, the relationship very quickly became quite confusing with us creating a very strange romantic tension that involved a lot of “I love you” and her comparing me to a person she loved most in her life and calling me “one of her guys”. Me, on the other hand, I was analyzing every little thing she did as a complete reflection of myself and presumed things of her as easily as I could presume them of myself. Both sides of the relationship resulted in us being very confused. I’d take actions and pick fights the way previous exes would with me because I figured that I could learn why I suck in relationships by watching how she’d suck in ours, which, by the way, I did learn plenty. She’d tell me things and then take opposing actions as if to make me feel special such as saying she hated touching anyone yet she’d touch me plenty when we were together borderline romantically caressing my chest and arm. As you can see, very confusing. Eventually I tried to progress the relationship thinking that it was what was coming and she seemingly accepted and yet we could get past very specific issues she had with things I did, mirror images of things she did by the way. For instance, I have stipulations on how I’d prefer significant others say “I love you”, she has the same thing for people saying “don’t” and “want”. That’s only one of many, but neither of us were able to properly respect each other’s “stipulations” and we found ourselves at a confusing impasse. In the end, it was her picking fights with anything I said and tearing apart how I’d talk to her. I’d consistently apologize for things even if I could argue them and I believe we just both got tired of how things became in how we spoke to one another. There were eggshells tread. I had a particularly busy and bad week and I told her that I couldn’t respond to one of her grievances till a certain date and she never responded. That was simply how it ended. I, truly, regret how it ended, yet I don’t know what I could’ve done better. I wish we were still friends or whatever we were.